All or Nothing // Nyl & Saros

hey guys isn't it so cool how both sex revulsion and hypersexuality are equally valid responses to sexual abuse. isn't it crazy how both responses can be consolidated into dissociative parts that have intensely moralized views regarding sex. isn't it awesome how both those parts can end up hurting each other in an attempt at doing what they believe is "right" because they both have vastly different conceptions of safety and what it means to protect one another. starts bashinfg my head into the wall before i go insane i need to give a shoutout to my boyfriend for tuning this song because holy FUCK they went OFF!! THEY WENT SO CRAZYYYYY THEY WENT ABSOLUTELY BONKERS!!!! [ https://www.youtube.com/@UCPdZOrR0I5DGNcl3C6RnWhg ] and ANOTHER shoutout to a friend of mine, sceall, who did the art, which is ALSO AMAZING! sceall wishes to only b credited by name so they don't have any links to share but they're very cool and awesome and talented :)) i wrote this song before getting into moon knight but this song is so Marc Spector and Jake Lockley if instead of sex it were about murder... ------ [Lyrics] hurts it hurts me grace forgets me oh, feel the heat within my thighs kiss the gun between my eyes hollow pits filled in with borrowed feelings from within tell me, say it isn't so, all your shame begins to show come, listen to my name trust me we're quite the same never thought you'd stoop so low you never learned to say no shame and ecstasy pain free me from the shame cut against the grain it's begun to rain lost in your little paradise a hedonist's escape sit back, take control the power you can reclaim don't go to waste a rose by any other name could smell just as sweet as the day you lost your flame little voices find all that hurts me so appealing whispering what do they reveal about my feelings? no use in hiding isn't it exciting? the pressure rises lose yourself to your vices you're weak and worthless dirty apparatus might as well embrace it i know you like the taste stop dirty, filthy, horrifying perfect femininity humiliating, aching break my mind and mar divinity, oh dirty filthy horrifying falling through the ecstasy humiliating, aching satisfying curiosity hurts it hurts me pleasure devotee oh, i can't help but love it so let's see how far we can go empty hearts filled in with pretty superficial parts tell me, i know when you lie is this how you want to die? come, listen to my name trust me we're quite the same never thought you'd stoop so low you never liked saying no trapped enraptured with love free me from the cuffs i'll come back for more i just couldn't get enough lost with your head up in the clouds a cowardly escape it hurts, and it dwells there is nothing to reclaim don't piss me off you play your stupid little games compulsive actions guess who has to take the blame little voices find all that i like so disgusting whispering saying i'm inherently corrupting can't be blamed this is how i know to do my healing don't you know there's no room for sex in healthy feelings no use in lying it's not worth surviving the pressure rises no better than your vices you're weak and filthy hope you're feeling guilty god, how could you like this you were made for this fate stop pretty, sickly, satisfying do what you want to with me initiating, waiting just as long as you would never leave pretty, sickly, horrifying that's all i could ever be initiating, waiting it'll stop hurting eventually --- MP3: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1kyoji_C7JtCmi3vIETFnO8-BO5iNN7pe?usp=drive_link Inst: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Mq6UZAJMy_txX_rx2F0bQJtJbOhwt9Lx?usp=drive_link SVP: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1ansSFTiYj9rInRwqhf_oLvq_xEE2RJPU?usp=drive_link Vocal midi: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1pYQ7xuRULtj1cNnwy_BSFCG5ODCSQa5e?usp=sharing